Side Effects

The Chemo Experience

I promised I would discuss my experience honestly, so I will tell you about the side effects.

Let's start with my CMF chemo, 17 years ago.  They gave me a list of possible side effects, and I had many of them. 

Nausea and Vomiting, GI issues

I never threw up, but I felt like I had been poisoned. I was nauseated for a few days, I ate strangely, like I was pregnant. I ate only mashed potatoes for a few days. I couldn't go to the bathroom normally, again for one or two days. This was before the days of probiotics. 

Fatigue

I was also getting radiation at the same time.  My blood counts got very low in this period. I was a bit tired toward the end of the radiation, and chemo was once delayed while my blood counts returned  and they hung a bag of blood in the hospital. I was tired.

Thinning Hair/Bad Nails

This was considered a less aggressive therapy, so my hair only thinned. I remember walking by a building with mirrored windows on a windy day, and seeing my hair fly up. It shocked me how thin it was. (Of course, this was nothing compared to now.)  My nails weren't great to begin with, and they got a little worse.

Fertility/Menopause

I had already had one test that suggested I was looking at menopause. CMF did it for me. I love it when the nurses ask, "date of your last period?" and I say "1996."  

Weight Gain

On average, most chemo patients gain weight. A few people do lose weight but that happens less often, and sometimes the reasons are not good. Most of us gain 35 pounds, on average. My personal belief is that our pancreas and our livers take a hit, making it harder for them to process our foods as well as pre-chemo; like having a fatty liver. Good luck losing weight using any of the normal methods! I gained that 35 pounds and I could do nothing about it.  I began to develop an eating disorder until I learned to accept my new normal.

Cognitive/Emotional

There was one more they didn't tell me about, because they didn't know: it's called "chemo brain."  These effects are long lasting. Recent studies acknowledge that we are killing brain cells while we chase our cancers. We live longer, but we give up IQ points in the process. Now that's one helluva price, isn't it? I also include emotional effects here, because your brain was injured all over. I was depressed post-chemo. I'm pretty comfortable attributing that to treatment.  

The effects were subtle: trouble remembering things, a hit with concentration and attention, and fragile emotions.  When I first learned that my suspicions were correct, I was once again in a mighty fury! No one told me that this might happen! Some feel it was a version of sexism that kept the doctors from recognizing the complaint as an actual side effect.  It wasn't until the 2000s that they admitted "well, yeah, it looks like chemo is bad for the brain."  You think?

I have already mentioned that I didn't let that stop me, however. I went on to get my technology management-related Master's a few years later, magna cum laude. I aced statistics, and had, until then, considered myself math-impaired. (Not really, it turns out...I just had bad teachers.) I don't think the cognitive deficit was long-lasting, in my case.  

There are a host of other side effects, but I didn't notice them as much.  

So, how am I doing so far?

Because of the allergy, we changed my chemo to Abraxane. The side effects are similar, but the two experiences are different.  For one thing, I go weekly, so the GI issues tend to crop up again each week.  Here's the chart you just know I'd have to have, to track my progress:

My Chemo Log Chart:
Blue= My subjective rating of how I feel, 1-10.
Red = How my incision is doing. Note the zero! Finally!

As you can see, there used to be a three-week rhythm, but now there is a weekly rhythm: I feel good until chemo, then I feel less great, then I slowly recover.  The Cytoxan and Abraxane weeks tend to be worse than the Abraxane-only.

The list of side effects is similar:

Nausea and GI Issues

As with my first experience, I have a feeling of flatness, of being mildly nauseated, most of the week. I never really do throw up, but the day after chemo, I usually run for the nausea meds at some point. I also have a taste of metal in my mouth. I'm using non-metallic utensils and dishes to help. My GI is off, of course, so probiotics are my friend. Pepcid helps the heartburn. This all is much better than the old Taxotere chemo, however. I drink 3 liters of water every day. 

Hair Loss/Bad Nails/Bad Skin

My hair looks just like my co-workers' four-month-old, only it's less adorable on me.  I have some, just not much. People like it better when I wear my hats. (Thank you, everyone.) I'm obsessing over my nails. They can fall off; I really do not want that to happen. So far, so

Look, mom, no hair!

good. 

I have yet another rash, but not really hives; it is much more like contact dermatitis. The doc says it is also a chemo rash. I'm to control it with antihistamines and steroids.

Pain

Some of us have bone pain, a feeling like the flu is coming on. That happens because the bones are working extra hard to make white blood cells. It was very difficult with the Neulasta (given for the three-week chemo, but not for Abraxane.) But, I still feel it some days now. Know what helps? Antihistamines! Remember that for your next flu, when your body aches. 

Fatigue

I'm very fatigued this time. I start out well in the morning, but I wear out quickly.  I take naps often.

Infection

Those white blood cells are taking a big hit. The doctors warn me to go to the ER if my temp rises to just 100.4. Anything might become infected. I often wear surgical masks in public or to go shopping now.

Mouth/Throat Sores/Dry Eyes

My mouth is fine, and my throat gets scratchy but I really feel it in my nose! Ick!...that's all I'm going to say.  My eyes just got iffy a few days ago. Humidity helps.

Weight Gain

Yep. More weight. Nothing I can do. I can promise you I'm not eating as much as I normally do, but the scale ticks up. Some of this may be attributable to the generous doses of corticosteroids I've consumed, but I think little gal that I was in my 20s and 30s will never be back, between thyroid meds and this. It is what it is.

Healing

As you remember, I was still healing my mastectomy incision. It's nearly February (it was made in October.) As of last Sunday, I think I'm finally there.  I still won't stress the incision with too much movement just yet.

Cognitive/Emotional
I've told my hubby to follow me around to make sure I shut off the stove and close doors. I do have a bit of short-term memory loss. I am also emotional; I can panic or feel sad easily -- and to be honest, I just let them flow. I don't have to be professional or manage myself in public. Overall, I'm not depressed or angry this round, at least not so far. There is a huge difference in my attitude this time around.

But that story will be another post!

Let me know how you are in the comments, or on Twitter, Facebook or Inspire.com.